Love is not just how we act toward people but how we receive them.  Paul says that a loving person is not easily offended.  This means that a biblical approach to relationships involves not just how we act but how we receive and handle the actions of others.  We have all known someone who was just itching to be offended.  This person is so eager to be offended that if you don't do something pretty quickly to offend them they will make something up. This kind of person is obvious but the less obvious method of relating is the one that threatens us.   There must be some merit to the correlation between often offended and easily offended. 

I knew a man who was suspicious of everyone and found most people offensive but who often wondered why he didn't have any friends.  He believed that it was the absurdity of others that deprived him of good relationships.  He thought it was the unkindness of others that kept them from approaching him.  He did not connect the entry of others into his life with the kind of reception he offered.  Other people seldom enjoy walking through mine fields or on egg shells.  If you are easily offended it will affect how close anyone can ever draw to you.

There is one common theme of all the good relationships in my life.  The people I am close to are people who will always give me the benefit of the doubt.  I don't have to craft every sentence that I speak to make sure there is not something that could be taken the wrong way.  I don't have to worry that they are going to assume the worst in interpreting my words and actions.  I can be confident that the relationship will remain intact through the ups and downs of living life.  I know that if I do say something harsh or unkind they will see it for what it is and not make more of it than necessary.  They give room for my moods and emotions because the relationship is more important to them than a single word or deed.  They care more about love than they do about protecting themselves from being slighted in some way.

The way you respond and react to the words and deeds of others will significantly affect your life.  When Jesus taught that when someone struck you on your right cheek that you should turn and allow him to strike the other, he was not trying to be cute.  The best way to repel unkindness is not to simply let it flow through your life into the lives of others.  If I simply become a conduit for all the unkind or questionable things people do to me then my life just becomes a link in the chain of harshness.  When you become offended by other people then you give them what they expect.  You let them know that there is no safe place.  There is no place in life where they can find acceptance.  The greatest significance you can give another person is to let them know that they are of greater value than their mistakes.  Isn't that the very message of forgiveness?  The worth of people in the eyes of God is greater than all their sins and failures.   Isn't it vital that people find a place like this in their world?

When you show the people in your life that you dearly want to have a relationship with them by not being offended, you break one of the most damaging cycles of life.  When you don't slap a person who slaps you, the cycle of a hundred slaps may be broken.  Haven't you wondered how you could have the most impact on another life?  Just be attentive to the next time someone acts offensively toward you and a great door is opened.  You can then do more than a thousand sermons for the cause of Christ in that moment.

How can we effectively be people who are not easily offended?  Nothing is more helpful than to be honestly aware of all the offensive things we do.  We need to let the teachings of Jesus give us a good understanding of people in general.  Most of the offensive things people do are not done with the intent to be offensive but more because they have somehow come to believe that this is the only way to take care of themselves.  The reason that love is given such great emphasis in the Bible is because people and relationships are more important than rights and feelings.  Your relationship with another person is almost always more important than something they have said or done.

One of the best ways to improve your life is to improve your relationships.  You won't be able to do this by controlling or shaping people.  You won’t be able to do this by making sure everyone gets what they deserve.  You can do it by allowing your life to be a place where people find acceptance even when they make mistakes.  When we break the chain of offense we open doors to opportunity to affect lives.  Give people room to be comfortable and be themselves by overlooking offensive things.  The greatest reason to really reconsider this part of our lives is the teaching of Jesus that we should treat others the way we want to be treated.  I really do always want people to give me the benefit of the doubt.  I sometimes just don't know how to act and I am sometimes a poor communicator so I want people not to assume the worst.

One time I acted unkindly toward an insurance salesman.  I assumed that all insurance salesman were pushy and wouldn't take no for an answer so I treated him that way as soon as I found out he was an insurance salesman.  But much to my surprise he overlooked my unkindness and returned a very loving and kind response.  It stopped me in my tracks.  For the next day or so I felt great remorse for my actions and could not stop thinking about how he responded.  I have never forgotten that exchange.  I wonder who you might be able to stop in their tracks today.